#24062017 – Anxiety & Stability

I still remember the days when my friends and I were sending 2016 off – goodbye 2016, thanks for making us so ridiculously busy! 

As it turns out, 2017 has only gotten even more hectic. 

My sister-in-law gave birth to the first grandchild of my family and we are all busy making sure things go right for pregnancy, confinement and being the Public Relations Office in face of family and friends with their well-wishes. 

It is a little surreal. Some time after the birth of our first 3rd generation member, the Taiwanese director Qi Bolin passed away during recce trip. 

You know how some older relatives would comment that we only show up during CNY? So I took the effort to visit her some time last week. 

It was a weird meeting up. She used to be so worrisome and pessimistic, cautious about everything she eats. But when we met, she became cheery, outgoing and gave me a red packet. 

It’s some money memento for your keepsake!

My mum wanted to treat her to a good meal and I told the old lady, it’s too spicy afterall. You’re at this age so don’t eat too much in case you feel discomfort later. 

The usual response from her would be one of fear, of logic, saying yes she wouldnt eat too much, that she is worried too. 

But no. 

She said she has lived till this age, that she wants to live out the rest of her life as she deems fit. Late life #YOLO, that is. 

When I got home later that day and open the red packet, it was some vintage Singapore coins and notes. But somehow my heart wouldnt stop hurting. 

It almost feels like a goodbye. 

Then something jolted my memory. Whilr we were talking about the latest addition to our family (granddaughter) by my eldest brother, she said she wouldnt have the time to see my elder brother’s. 

But you have to. You got to live till his grandchild graduates from Poly! 

…because that is the biggest wound of my life without grandparents. But she said somewhat firmly, that she doesnt have time anymore. 

My heart has been so heavy these days. 

Here is a new little life just starting and there… seems to be an end. Somehow it is making me emotionally unstable and anxious. I cant sleep. I cant function 100%. 

I need some peace. 

GOT7 – My Swagger (The Little Details)

Yes I’m back on Labour Day!

And GOT7 decided to release ‘My Swagger’ so I couldn’t help it but share the little details I observed!

1. Jackson’s Cap days are back.

It’s been a while since I last saw Jackson with a cap on. Following his cap days, it was brushing his blonde hair back. But now the ‘A’ days are back!

GOT7 My Swagger 1

2. Yugyeom stole JB’s eyeshawdow

Not sure if it’s over-edit or intentional, but it seems like Yugyeom is taking over JB’s role as the eyeshadow in-charge. Glad they haven’t change his hairstyle!

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3. When BamBam watches TV, he watches himself.

As if there isn’t enough jokes about how BamBam loves himself, he has to be watching himself when watching the TV!

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*cues JB savage remarks*

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4. MarkJin moment

Didn’t bother trying to get a pretty screenshot because the whole scene of the two of them is heaven. 🙂 And finally, JiNyeongie has his turn in pink.

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5. GOT7 Signature Swag Roles

BamBam and Mark attacking the food, leader JB watching in ridicule as goofy Jackson answers a call via his shoe.

Side note: Looking at the amount of food left, I guess this scene took a bit of time. 🙂

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6. Mark, the last Mukbang survivor

BamBam’s in food coma and Mark’s still going strong. So I guess in the previous scene, he was the one who drank all that before this scene? Someone bring BamBam some water pls.

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7. Jackson Dab

I guess someone has to do it anyway. And since BamBam is held up by Mark’s mukbang show, GOT7 displayed an exemplary sense of teamwork – Jackson picked up where BamBam left off. *dabs*

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8. GOT7 – Endorsing all vehicles since 2014

Has anyone else noticed how there’s almost always a car in their MVs? Much like BAP with their gunfire scenes. Having a little time on my hand, here’s a little compilation.

GOT7-Car-Endorsement---Watermarked

“GOT7 – Endorsing all vehicles – be it luxurious, motorized skateboards, vandalized, flashy, vintage and even the ambulance.”

From what I’ve seen, the only MV without a car as accessory was Fly. I guess they forgot to borrow Arthur Weasley’s flying Ford Anglia. (chuckles)

But no, I mean, seriously. Even the color theme matches. I guess they really just FORGOT to key the car in!

 

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You’re welcome, JYP.

 

9. Dream High 2 is back! #TributetoJJProject

This is actually what inspired this entire entry. JB and Jinyoung, you guys can feel awkward about the past all you want, but the choreographer can always make you do it again!

Never mind though, even Mr. Hit The Stage is doing it so I guess it’s cool again!

*cues Heartbreaker music*

 

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10. #IWannaSeeYoungjaeLeftFaceCampaign

My campaign is going strong! And nope, just because it’s mirrored doesn’t mean it’s left, dear Youngjae. (chuckles) But A for effort!

GOT7 My Swagger 9

 

Enjoy the song, everyone! And happy Labour holiday!

#11042017 – Disturbed & Powerless

Note: This entry is a little dark and depressing, please don’t read it at the start of your day. But… It’s thought-worthy.

A couple of things have been bugging me these few days.

  1. United Airlines incident

I first saw the news on Twitter when one local blogger tweeted his response to the incident. Then man, how disturbed I was by the incident. In fact, the clip haunted me for the whole day.

To be honest, one of the reasons was because the victim was an Asian guy. The first thing that came to my mind was, how would I feel if I were treated this way in a foreign land? And also, how awful and aggravated I would be if this were my dad.

I’ve been reading a lot and waiting for the news reports – the guy’s a physician/doctor and had to get back for his patient in the morning, how the airline offered money compensation, how 4 people were chosen randomly, what the CEO said, etc.

I wish there were more communication. I don’t know if the victim can speak English well, but I wished that the airline staff had taken time to learn about why he doesn’t want to get off the plane – for his patient. I mean, if you were to tell me to get off, I wouldn’t but if you told me, here’s a doctor who has to get back for his patient, can anyone with in a less urgent circumstance please give up their seat? I would, because yes I want to go home but when you put “need to be on this plane” in this perspective, I would understand that my case is less urgent than his.

The hypocrisy/powerless generation. Another thing that bugged me was the lady who was exclaiming in horror and the people scurrying to get out their phone to film the victim being dragged off the plane. There’s the classic question of why didn’t anyone step in? Because of selfish reasons? Didn’t want to stand up for what’s right if it means I’d have to lose my seat or be arrested? Or simply, oh they’re bullying him but I want my seat?

In this day and age, kinda thankfully, we have technology and are empowered to take photos, videos and audio recordings to protect our own rights. Then again, it also seems to be making people powerless because all they do is record. In many cases, not to bring the matter to light for justice but rather, hey I was there, I show you this clip I captured. Suddenly we lose our voice, and stop using actions. Instead, all we do is record, and it’s not just this case I’m talking about. What has become of humanity?

The corporation. They were replacing passengers with employees. I think The Points Guy made a very good point – Chicago is the headquarters for United Airlines. Don’t they have any other alternative solution to their staffing problem? Can’t they offer their employees an alternative solution? Also, couldn’t they increase the compensation amount?

The wound is still fresh. And the aftermath left me even more disgusted and disturbed. Jimmy Kimmel and Ellen Degeneres quickly raised the issue on their shows and I really wanted to get their (eventually disappointing) perspectives. It disturbed me that the audience was laughing when they showed the clip of the victim being dragged off the plane. It disturbed me when Ellen made the joke about someone in her audience having to give up their seat, about the in-flight movie and also putting the focus on the yoga pants incident, which was also incorrectly presented.

What happened to the core of the Ellen Show where she always say be kind to one another? Doesn’t she (or her team of writers) see how that incident was unkind and inhumane and all details aside, point that out, instead of laughing about it? The yoga pants incident was because they were not paying customers and there are rules they have to adhere to.

It’s the little bits of insensitivity that disturbed me – I get where you’re going with the satire and sarcasm, but isn’t the wound a little too fresh to be laughed at this way? Would you laugh if this was YOUR mother being dragged off the plane?

One thing I appreciate was Jimmy Kimmel giving the example of Applebee’s, which at the very least, helped people to put things into perspective better.

The judgmental media. The last bit that disturbed me was how some journalists/websites chose to cover and follow up on the incident, and the worst of all was The Courier Journal that reported how the doctor had a disturbing past, totally irrelevant to THIS incident. Did he commit those crimes on the flight? Why should they matter in this case? He is a victim and he has been through enough, and you have to dig up on his past. For? So if you’ve once done something wrong, you deserve to be treated inhumanely? Shame on you.

On the flipside, I appreciate the media outlets who are putting the focus on the law and what loopholes are currently present. They may not be changed now but little by little, someday the situation would change. Also, to highlight the guidelines on carriage, passengers’ rights and the maximum amount the airline could have compensated – it gives you all the boundaries and facts, and let you make the judgement.

One last thing – I kind of don’t understand why the officer who grabbed the guy was put on leave. He was executing orders from the real guilty parties – the airlines, the employees. It seems to me that he was put on leave to appease people, aka, another innocent victim in this case where the corporation is at fault – poor booking system, poor communication, poor service, poor compensation, poor solution and poor attitude.

2. Qingming Festival

There is another powerless incident that bugged me this Qingming Festival.

My parents and I went to a temple to make some food offerings. Many old people were at the temple and visiting the columbarium. As I was feeling nauseous and waited outside the columbarium, I noticed the guard telling people to be careful of the step.

Then, an old man was stepping out and as the step was a little high, his knees were weak and he almost fell. Thankfully, his family quickly helped him up.

I kept thinking about the incident the whole day – there’s close to a month of people coming in and out, and this is a problem a simple ramp can solve. Doesn’t that make more sense than telling everyone coming out to be careful?

I asked one of the staff member, who said I should raise a suggestion to their head, who can then evaluate the situation.

I’m sorry but it made NO sense to me. It just struck me how powerless people are becoming, or at least, feeling. It’s like your light at home has fused and instead of just buying a replacement, you start to “give suggestion” and then make budget planning, while living with the inconvenience. What has happened to our country and our people?

I am going to try and solve that problem, one way or another. Because it makes more sense and I don’t want the media ever writing that someone fell to death at a temple again. Not when the problem can be easily resolved.

#09042017 – Perseverance Everyday

My workload and workout plans recently do not allow me to blog everyday, at least not this month. 😦 But there are still a few things on my mind that I want to share about.

  1. The responsible domestic worker

I was on the bus one day, when a domestic worker boarded the bus with two Caucasian children and they were all standing because the bus was packed. Boys being boys, the two kids were rather playful, fidgeting all around. From time to time, the maid turned around to tell them “don’t block the way”, “stand properly and hold on properly”, which struck me how responsible and alert she is.

Made a mental note to share about this incident because compared to what my teacher once said – a mother was with her son on the train and the latter was swinging around the pole. My teacher prompted the mum to get the son to stand still, but the mum said, “Did he fall? Did he hurt himself? Then what are you so worried about?”

Stark contrast in upbringing, thought-worthy comparison.

2. About working out plans

As I’ve said at the start of this post, I’ve been keeping myself busy with work and workout, the exercise kind of workout.

Initially when I started exploring my own gym bike, I planned to cycle at least three days per week. Then I realized the problem – I have an excuse called “tomorrow”. As work picked up pace in March, I practically skipped every chance I had to workout because, well, “tomorrow”.

So at the beginning of this month, I decided to try something new – exercise every single day. So I would have no excuse, I’d be like, what the hell, why haven’t you exercised today?

But the down part is that… My Daily Diary time became workout time, while catching up with TV shows. Recently really loving Late Night with Stephen Colbert and Sisters Slam Dunk season 2! Not to mention, GOT7 binge.

A week has passed and the routine has more or less settled down – no sleep until I’ve completed at least an hour of workout, whatever it is. Had fun with gym bike, hula hooping, core workout and stretching exercises. The biggest change I feel is that I feel more refreshed in the day, as if my brain has got more oxygen than it previously did, if that makes any sense. 🙂

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One thing I kinda learn from the workouts is that… Life is like a workout. You can always tell yourself, you’d start living tomorrow. But you’re just wasting today. If you’re going to stop just because you feel pain, you’ll never surpass your limit or improve.

Just like working out, learn to persevere everyday – in pain or not, busy or not. 

3. Change in diet

Aside from the family get-togethers, I’ve been trying to make some changes to my diet too. Much less takeaway food, bringing plain water with me when dining out (to reduce intake of sweetened drinks) and also trying out food that I used to reject.

Some of my absolute… fear? Such as celery, beetroot, baby tomatoes… I can’t say I like them, especially beetroot, which made me smell soil for the subsequent hours, but still, it was worth the shot? My conclusion is juicing is the only way I’d ever consume them again. (inserts prayer)

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DIY Boost Juice for the family – beetroot, celery, orange, apples, pear, baby tomatoes and carrot.

3. GOT7

Last but not least… Let me take some time to talk about GOT7. :))))

When I first heard of them I was like… wtf how do you even pronounce that? Incidentally, I started watching Dream High 2 and fell in love with JB. Not because of his character but because I feel that we are similar in some ways? The real JB, not the character in the story.

Then I started to find out about JJ Project and then GOT7. My absolute favourite thing about GOT7 is how they gel so well together and you can see how they care for one another through the little details – the hand gestures, how they cheer each other up, how they try to push the introverted ones into the limelight and cheer them on.

Don’t want to throw names out there but I have to say… There are a lot of talent in the Kpop industry. So many of them can sing, dance, ace variety, but there are some attitudes I don’t like, and some group dynamics that I have a problem with. Such as forming cliques within group ousting other members, one member getting all the attention, or some attitude problems where they don’t feel the need to do their best.

And GOT7 is the opposite. I appreciate how they have explored different music styles and image since their debut (from cute, cheeky to chic). I also appreciate how they work hard to show increasingly challenging and impactful choreographies. I like how they are sensitive to the feelings of each other and can get a good balance of fun, mutual respect and serious professionalism in their actual work.

There are going to be Kpop groups that produce good music. Some of them are going to be such heart-stealing visuals. But GOT7 charm lies in their positive and ever-improving attitude. They are constantly trying to get better in all aspects. 🙂

As the saying goes, there’s no bias in GOT7. Everyone of them is. :))

Jaebum for his big-hearted motherly leadership and introverted cuteness.
Jinyoung, who I didn’t like initially because of his straightforwardness, won my heart when I notice how sensitive he is to the needs and feelings of the other members.
Jackson for making a clown of himself to make shoots interesting, to protect members from MCs.
Mark for his quiet charm and now-increasingly-often outburts of energy. Not to mention, his tumbling, which has been perfect from YG-vs-JYP to date.
BamBam, who comes up with all the random things that become GOT7 traits. Also, how he worked hard to go from the maknae-cute to maknae-badass.
Youngjae, from the time he was so excited to be assigned a part in ‘A’ and talked about wanting to sing for the fans, till this day when his dancing is getting better, getting more protected and loved by his members, and rising to be one indisputable vocal talent. And ‘Sign’, my favourite slow-tempo GOT7 song.

That’s all. Nah, I’m kidding!

Of course there’s Hit the Stage Yugyeom who is seemingly savage but looks after his seniors with a special kind of warmth and tenderness. His passion for singing in Never Ever is also apparent, improving a whole lot since their debut. 🙂

At the end of the day… I guess I’m still #TeamJaebum. Or.. #TeamGOT7 . Yep.

4. Joker Xue

Speaking of GOT7, there’s another singer who caught my attention recently – Joker Xue. His performance caught my attention, his press conference attitude won my admiration and laughter, his life story earned my respect.

 

*****

On the whole, all the stress aside, I’m feeling very positive and inspired lately.

#02042017 – Written on my face

Nothing interesting happened today because I was staying at home doing some work while re-binge-watching Extreme Makeover Weightloss edition. 🙂

But there is a funny incident I wanted to share! 

I was out by myself to make a sales delivery, and my earphones were plugged in to avoid conversations with salespeople.

I did some walking around, had my lunch before heading to the interchange to take a bus home. 

Recently I have been using bus journeys as a touch-up station to curb my travel anxiety. So I was putting on lip balm… lip vitamin.. moisturizer and hair essence, but I was very lowkey! 

Suddenly a lady who was seated at the back of the bus suddenly came forward and sat beside me. 

My first thought was… 

Is she going to ask what brand moisturizer I am using?

Because I have been asked so many times. XD

Then I gradually took out my earphones to process what she was saying. 

She asked, “You know Chinese right?” 

‘Um.. yeah?’ 

Then she went on to ask me for help with translation, no joke! 

It was SO random that I idiotically replied “huh”. 

Deep down I was hoping for a “aiyah never mind then thanks” but NO. 

She started telling me her FULL STORY – something about… getting loans, 60k, some grants can apply, 45k… 20k… 30k.. 30%… 20%… maximum minimum. 

Thankfully, I managed to answer her question! (In actual fact she didnt have to throw all the numbers at me tbh)

Only when she alighted then I realized… EH HOW COME SHE ASKED ME? DO I HAVE “LANGUAGE STUDENT” WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?? 

Kinda burst out laughing after she alighted, and continued laughing my way home. 

But damn, I got home and looked in the mirror… generic plain tee.. generic jeans… generic bag… generic hairtie… I LOOK NORMAL! 

To be honest I was a little proud that I managed to answer her question but I hope this doesnt ever happen again. It is a little creepy! (Sweats)

#01042017 – Couldn’t help but pull a prank!

It’s April, my schedule is gradually freeing up and I’m gonna try to get back to my Daily Diary! 😀

Been rewatching Extreme Makeover on YouTube recently and feeling exceptionally inspired to change for the better.

One of the things that has been bugging me was the appearance of body acne on part of my body. It wasn’t that way previously and I couldn’t quite pinpoint the cause – Been changing my bedsheets even more frequently, changing clothes more frequently, showering with cold water instead of hot water, just to name a few.

At some point I guess I just gave up. Until recently, when I saw a forum post where the person wrote about visiting a doctor who gave her a shampoo bottle of chemical. It’s supposedly for hair, but the doctor said it would work for her case and sure it did.

Not sure why, but it’s that moment when it finally occurred to me to do the most basic thing I could have done in the first place – GOOGLE IT.

Then it was more looking around, when I found this Asepso soap bar on RedMart. Then, more Google-ing! Apparently someone blogged and raved about it helping her with her body acne and I decided to give it a try, since it’s so cheap. So here it is!

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Guess I got a little into carried away during the first use? And instead of using on problem areas, I used as normal soap. Couldn’t kill, right?

HELL IT ITCHES. Had to use a lot of moisturiser post-bath to stop the itching. Maybe it’s drying for oily skin? So when I used it for my arms, it itched really badly. (T_T”)>

But surprisingly, it really helped to stop the discomfort on acne areas. Little by little, that is. Hopefully things would improve one week in! 🙂 So far I’d say it’s worth the money, but for people with dry/sensitive skin, STAY AWAY from this!

*****

Spent a lot of time at home over the weekend for two reasons:

  1. No one was free to meet up
  2. It was April Fool and I was * scared.

By evening when I realized that not many people knew it was April Fool’s Day, I decided to prank my siblings. Heh.

I actually went to run errands at Nex but… The T-shirt I wanted to change size for, Uniqlo didn’t have that particular collection there. Wanted to activate my new bank card but there was a long queue.

So the trip to Nex was fun but also… not constructive at all. (dies laughing)

Anyway, by the time I was done roaming around, mum had knocked off from work and was meeting me for dinner. That’s when I decided to scare my brothers. (smirks)

I called my eldest brother while waiting for the train, telling him my parents and I are on the way to his area, cos we are meeting for dinner.

He went, “…huh?”

And then I kinda ridiculed him? And said like, you kidding ah? Or you forgot?? Don’t joke lei, dad also came, you forgot??

There was a moment of silence before he responded, “Okok I set off now.”

I was holding in my laughter on the train and quickly told him,”BRO BRO. WAIT. HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!”

I was so afraid he’d start calling Grab!! Then he just said BYE. How nice. (chuckles)

My elder brother was next but… I decided to call my sister-in-law, because talking to him on the phone is ZERO fun, with his short answers and constant desperation to end conversations and hang the phone. (-_-)

My sis-in-law was adorable too, and I could tell they had guests at home? But still, she just happily said, “Huh? I think your brother forgot!”

Simply because such incidents happen before! Then I quickly told her I was pranking her. I quickly ended the call so that she could entertain the guests, but instead, I texted her “kekekekeke”. Got called naughty! XD

So yes, this April Fool’s Day, I was the culprit! Pass me my trophy! *basks in glory*

*****

Well, dinner with mum was much less enjoyable thanks to Manhattan Fish Market.

Their standards have been plummeting lately – long wait to be seated even when restaurant is empty, subpar utensils cleanliness and worst of all, the food quality.

Some weeks ago I had to write in to let them know one of their new dishes was simply a pool of grease and tonight, their “signature” cajun chicken wings are BURNT.

There was literally no other taste than just burnt. But this time around, mum said not to let the management team know (since it seems that they don’t give a damn anymore) and I guess MFMsg is officially written off my list of favourites. Now I just hope they’d close down soon to spare the space for some other worthy company.

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Luckily, I did get some Chateraise goodies before leaving Nex, so dinner was salvaged! Their creme brulee was okay, better than the creme brulee swiss roll at least. 🙂

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Have I mentioned how much I love Chateraise? Previously I saw another blogger saying that their cream isn’t filled fully so I decided to try it out myself. Mine was super full! #satisfied

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That kinda concludes my first day of April! Lots of food, but I did workout at night so I guess it’s cool!

#25032017 – Thankful for my Family

So often we take our family for granted – that they would always be by our side, that they would be supportive. Until we step into school, into society, into the various workplaces, then we realize how pure the love from family can be.

Or at least, that’s how I felt.

I’m unlike many other people – I don’t consider going to uni (unless I can afford the school fee by myself 100%), I don’t like to dress up and I don’t ever consider marriage.

In this modern day and age, I kinda took my parents’ support and respect of my decisions for granted. Well, that is, until my brothers’ weddings.

Yeah, when more relatives get into the picture, or think that they have the right to tell us what to do, especially me.

I’ve always believed in mutual respect, not to force anything down anyone’s throats. That’s why I once said, I support LGBT, but I don’t think it’s right to expect everyone to accept LGBT. Live, and let live.

So I was okay, and I already expected, with relatives coming up to me, telling me it’s my turn next. In casual conversations, sure, I’d let them say what they want because it’s just talk, isn’t it? 🙂 It’s not like they would be coming after me after that one meeting.

But then there are people who will hear the truth from me, for two reasons –

  1. The good – Because I regard you as family and I don’t wanna bullshit you; and
  2. The bad – You’re crossing the line and I’m drawing the boundary. Back off.

On one occasion, I had to tell two elders that truth – I have no intention of finding a boyfriend, settling down and forming my own family. EVER.

They had spent an hour or two talking to me about it (not discussing, but talking TO me) and it was turning into preaching. And I have respect for them, so I wanted to tell them my true feelings, also to put a stop to it. To break the tension.

Then the disappointing thing happened – They just shut me out totally.

For the sake of things going harmoniously for my brothers’ weddings (trust me, I bear with a lot of shit), I didn’t say a word. And it has been what? Four years?

This lunar new year, we went to one of that relative’s house to exchange greetings.

Mind you, I’ve always respected her and loved her despite what she said and how she shut me out for the past few years. Like ignoring me or giving me the cold shoulder. I mean, she’s an elder after all.

For the past few years when my brothers were busy, I still went to her house with my parents during lunar new year. Still, cold shoulder.

I wondered if it was because she didn’t know how to communicate with my generation. So it’s cool, I didn’t take it personally. Until this year, when my brother and sis-in-law went with me.

I mean, how childish does one elder have to be, to hear hello and goodbye from 3 youths, and only say goodbye to two?

Maybe I was soft, maybe I was too sensitive, I thought.

Until tonight. We were enjoying food in the neighbourhood when we saw her. I was still delighted to see her because I saw her as part of the family. A close relative.

But here’s the most disappointing thing – my parents and the 5 of us youths greeted her. She said hi to my parents, then went PAST me, to pat the backs of my two brothers and two sisters-in-law. And talked to them. Like I didn’t exist AT ALL.

If it was the past, I would have simply walked off because of how insulting it was. But nope, I just took out my phone to resolve the awkwardness.

“Oh, so both of you married ah?”

Dude. Three kids, man. How rude do you have to be? -_-

I’ve kept my silence and the unfairness I’ve endured from her for FOUR years. So as soon as she left, I told my family, just think about what just happened. Great, I don’t ever have a reason to visit her during CNY again, do I?

The saddest part was when nobody is on my side, or bothered to empathize with how I feel.

Do you guys even know the shit I had to hear and bear for the past few years?

Maybe I’ve taken your support in the past few years for granted, but 6 people and no one spared a thought for how I was ignored?

Just goes to show why I have no faith in human relations sometimes. People can be so cold.

Am I angry? Not anymore. Upset? Not anymore. Disappointed? Yeah, kind of.

For one, you have no control over my decision, even if I tell you I’m gay (but I’m not la, just saying). You cannot talk me into marriage, as much as you cannot get me to wear a skirt.

Aside from all these, I was hoping you know what an adult should do and should be like, be respectable, at the very least. Time and time again though…

At least I am accountable for my actions. I have shown you respect and grace as much as I think you deserved. Five years, including this year, and you still step all over me.

It’s okay, I’m moving on! There are so many things in life worth my time, respect and love. Hold on tight to your traditional thinking and ignore me all you want from this point on. Tonight hurt me deep, but that’s as bad as it can be. You can’t hurt me anymore. :))

Writing this entry to remind myself never to take love and support from anyone for granted – take it with a lot of gratitude and appreciation. And when things don’t go my way, let it go. I’m going to be what I wished my elders would have been – it’s the only way to make things better for the future generations, not to let the hatred and hurt continue.

*****

Dear future me,

Please be the kind of aunt you wish you had. Puberty was tough, so don’t ever ridicule the youths. Help them out, be kind, be supportive, albeit from a distance unless they approach you first. Respect their ideals and most importantly, don’t compare, criticize or judge them prematurely, especially in conversations to their parents. Learn to draw the line – don’t make them anymore insecure, awkward or uncomfortable, by prying into their private matters or schoolwork.

They are going to drive you mad at some point, maybe even saying things that piss you off. You’d be an old lady by then, so learn to laugh it off, be a bigger person and continue to love them for who they are. Be the bridge between them and their parents, not the barrier in-between. Teach them kindness and gratitude, not what to do, how many prizes to win or how many number ones to get.

The Huiying today, would be very grateful and proud if you can make these promises count. If things ever get too tough, walk away. Come back when you’ve cooled down and restart to conversation with love, yeah?

You’d always be your own strongest supporter, unconditionally. 🙂 And that’s all you really ever need.