When I was much younger (smiles sadly), I envied those girls with a big clique of girl friends. Until one day, one of them came to me (the outcast) with her problems.
Me: But why are you telling me, when you have so many besties?
Her: It’s complicated. If I tell A but don’t tell B, she would be upset.
That was when I stopped feeling envious of large cliques.
For my poly mates, it began as three of us until I involuntarily “snatched” the bestie from the third person.
Then we evolved and expanded into a 74 Gang comprising of many people, taking the same bus (No. 74) home.
But slowly, the clique size dwindled for various reasons.
9 years on, it’s just the three of us left. We met last night for a HTHT session.
After that many years of friendship and maturing, we are chill about many things. I dont have to worry about being judged for what I wear, for what I say, for what I eat.
So I asked them… with our current level of maturity, do they think we would be able to get along with those people who were problematic in Poly? I felt that we may not get along but we would have been able to co-exist in peace.
But surprisingly, one of them said, she wondered more about us. With our current state, would we have become such good friends as we now do?
Truthfully, probably no.
We didnt click right from the start. It took a lot of initiating, friction and forgiveness to get to where we are. So as our adult selves, we probably would have distant from each other from the moment we had our first dispute.
So my point is —
There are a lot of good people out there, the potential friends. There is no point forcing things to work. If it is meant to be, your lives would converge somewhere when the time is right, when you guys are in a similar state of mind.
Which is probably why adults argue so much less as friends. Because we get it. You either can or cannot be friends. There is not many reason nor motivation to work things out.
But for now, I am grateful to have met the right people at the right time, to establish priceless friendship bonds that have survived the test of time. ♡