Over the years, I’ve accepted the fact that I am a slow learner.
Back in secondary school, I struggled to learn A. Maths, to remember formula and applications, and even during casual events like school dance routines.
At some point of growing up, acting like you can do it was an option. Act like you understand, act like you got it, only to go back home and put in extra hours and nights of effort to just get to an average level.
What makes it worse is when I always feel inadequate.
I’m not trying to be humble, but there always seem to be someone better than me, stronger than me out there. It’s like a corporate ladder but one that leads to nowhere. I just feel like I’m never good enough and I don’t deserve anything.
I find myself telling people… Just give me the time to prove you wrong! Give me time to get the hang of things and I’ll do whatever I can to excel. But life gives no one any time, especially in a fast paced society like Singapore.
People are not interested in who you are, what you do. They expect you to fit into their mold, meet their expectations and more. They are more concern in whether you are willing to give up your everything to make their thing work.
It’s an overwhelming sense of setback.
Four years ago, I met a great boss who was willing to listen. Listen to my ideas however silly they may be, find out who I am, how I feel and give me the space to grow. But after some time, I felt stuck. Stuck in a comfort zone. Stuck because I was more overwhelmed with human relations than the actual work that I like.
After years of hard work, I choose to believe that I’ve evolved, albeit slower than people my age. I’m always slow and I’ve accepted the fact that I’d always be slow and I’d always feel inadequate.
So.. What now?