New Year’s Resolution

It’s kind of strange to talk about new year’s resolutions in the middle of a year. But that’s exactly my point.

When I was much younger, I always start each year with 10 goals for health, results and also the number of blog posts I would write that year. I saw it as a way to live a year knowing where I’m heading, but as I got older, I realized that my new year’s resolutions got in the way of change.

Long story short, I only had one goal this year – to live for myself and do what makes me happy. 

I am not a noble person but the past few years have been spent in preparation for my brothers’ weddings. I began to care more for others than myself. But towards the end of last year, I began to realize that I wasn’t happy. Truly happy.

The reason why I’m writing this entry today is to talk about the past 5 months.

I started to consider things and options based more on how I would feel – do I really want to do this? Or am I doing it just to humour others?

I started to make sense of my time spent. I started to embark on journeys that were meaningful for me, regardless of what others may think of me, or how they would feel.

And here’s the most interesting thing I realized – When I was living to humour others then and when I’m living for myself now, there are always people who would hate me or disapprove of my life choices. The only difference is, I feel happy now.

I started to understand what it really means to live for yourself, and why other people’s opinions don’t matter.

We have established unwritten boundaries in our society, telling us what we should and should not do. On one hand, there are things we should not do because it’s harmful to others, or worse, illegal. On the other hand, there are things we believe we should and shouldn’t do because it’s going to upset other people. Like greeting your neighbour when you meet. You do it out of politeness and friendliness.

So what do you do when the neighbour becomes rude and takes the relationship for granted?

If this happened before this year, I would suck it up. Move on. And greet him/her because it’s the “right thing to do”. So that I wouldn’t upset him/her. So that I would be seen as a polite person.

But no, that’s not how I choose to be this year. If you do not have respect for yourself, no one is going to respect you. If I respect you and you throw my friendliness into the rubbish bin, I should just move on. Because it’s what’s going to make me happy. As a human.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t mean that you should start living like a stuck-up kid. I mean learning where to draw the line and learning to protect and respect yourself.

Little changes in perspectives like that helped to clear my head and make me a happier person. People are going to hate me either way but I don’t live for the applause. Afterall, there’s no point being a well-liked person who isn’t happy and has no respect for herself. You know what I mean?

It’s like being a mother whose life is all about the husband and the kids. And when everyone moves on, you realize that you don’t have your own life.

My point is – take charge of your life and learn to put yourself first, striking a balance between the social boundaries and your own happiness. Do what makes YOU happy and respectable.

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