February was a blur and so was the start of March, as my friends and I got together to finish shooting a microfilm. Then it was days of intensive editing, subbing and preparation for submission.
Best of both worlds
Throughout the past few weeks, I’ve learnt many things. Like understanding what my teacher meant when she told me to choose between two CCAs because I can’t have the best of both worlds.
She’s right to a certain extent – there’s only so much time and energy we have, and it is better to be great at one thing than to accept many projects and barely scraping by, producing sub-par work that’s a waste of everyone’s time.
Then again, the way I see it, we have 24 hours a day. If you have time for meal and bed, then you have time to spare. And that is the reality – learning to prioritize and juggle, to make a decision that you think is better.
I’ve had some free time here and there, but yes, I felt that there were other things more important than updating this site. This site means a lot to me, to document each day as a reminder to make full use of them. But if I waste my day documenting them, it kind of defeats the purpose, isn’t it?
But as I’ve said, there’s always mealtimes. Hence the GOT7 review. :))
Learning to pick my battles
Another thing I’m learning about growing up, is to choose battles.
I am a rather opinionated person and as I’ve said previously, I am fully aware that my character can be a bit too abrasive towards others sometimes. But recently I’m learning to pick my battles since not all of them are worth the time.
There were some decisions that I wouldn’t have given in, if it was a year back. But now I feel like… Unless it’s something really important to me, that would go against my principle, I guess I can give in, even if logically, I know that that’s not as great. At the end of the day, I look back at that moment and thought,
Yeah well, you gave in and made someone else feel like you cherish their opinion, and it wasn’t catastrophic, was it?
And I feel an overwhelming sense of pride. ^_^
Learning to step away
was another one of the important lessons I learnt in the past couple of days.
There were some clients that were getting on my nerves, disregarding my effort or making selfish decisions that ultimately, left me to die in the problem.
Of course I was pissed, upset and demoralized. But then I realized, unlike friendships in school, you don’t always have to take the confrontational step. And I don’t mean resorting to passive aggression either (another one of my bad habits).
The other way I learnt to deal with such situation, is to simply walk away. In the adult sense, it’s probably the worst, meaning – I don’t even see a point of arguing with you. Now, I have better things to do and I’m moving on.
Yes, some problems can be solved through communication. But there are some where you feel like… That’s how it is and nothing is going to change it. Talking about it is simply scratching off the peaceful surface on the relationship, and things are never going to be the same again anyway.
When I feel that someone is making a decision solely for their own good without regards for my schedule and feelings, I’m not going to go along with complaints anymore. I’m stepping away and not going in your direction at all.
When I feel that you’re sabotaging me intentionally, I’m not going to go after you for confrontation, to “expose” you or to demand/implore for your help anymore. I’m going to cool down, deal with it like an adult, and look for someone better than you. I’m grateful for your help in the past but it’s not working out anymore – let’s move on. And that’s it.
That kind of guts
One of my junior is graduating from Poly this year and he reminds me so much of myself, 5 years ago, when I was going through the same phase. I took friendships seriously, made time for everyone and made sure they know that I’m grateful. Yeah, and all those friends forever talk.
Sure, I still keep in touch with some of them, but I started to see how it wasn’t worth investing so much time in networking and maintaining relationships back then.
I had been so full of passion and guts – feeling like nothing in this world can bring me down, especially since I got a job at a place I really love.
As I grow older, I start to feel like I’m being increasingly introverted. I prefer to observe people quietly, than to be the loud one bringing people together. I’d prefer to create things alone, than to socialize and spend the time walking home posting social media updates to thank the people I met that night.
Networking is important, but my main circle is starting to form and it’s going down from my list of priorities now.
I feel very different this year
I’ve finally mustered up the courage to end the relationships that deep down, I know aren’t working and aren’t good for either of us, at both work and personal levels. I feel more focused and have a clearer idea of what I want to pursue next.
Surprisingly, some time last week, for the first time in years, the thought of finding a life partner came to my mind. But only for a few hours, haha. Still can’t accept the idea of compromising for life. ~_~”
But there’s still this one last relationship I’m waiting around for. I hope things would work out, and I’d be able to contribute what I’ve learnt in the past 5 years, but… three months was a lot of time, wasn’t it?
Last night I saw a new opportunity that interests me on so many levels. Between a new environment, and going back to an old place with fresh perspective… How would you make a decision?
More thinking and more growing up to do, apparently.