#01042017 – Couldn’t help but pull a prank!

It’s April, my schedule is gradually freeing up and I’m gonna try to get back to my Daily Diary! ūüėÄ

Been rewatching Extreme Makeover on YouTube recently and feeling exceptionally inspired to change for the better.

One of the things that has been bugging me was the appearance of body acne¬†on part of my body. It wasn’t that way previously and I couldn’t quite pinpoint the cause – Been changing my bedsheets even more frequently, changing clothes more frequently, showering with cold water instead of hot water, just to name a few.

At some point I guess I just gave up. Until recently, when I saw a forum post where the¬†person wrote about¬†visiting a doctor who gave her¬†a shampoo bottle of chemical. It’s supposedly for hair, but the doctor said it would work for her case and sure it did.

Not sure why, but it’s¬†that moment when¬†it finally occurred to me to do the most basic thing I could have done in the first place –¬†GOOGLE IT.

Then it was more looking around, when I found this Asepso soap bar on RedMart. Then, more Google-ing! Apparently someone blogged and raved about it helping her with her body acne and¬†I decided to give it a try, since it’s so cheap. So here it is!

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Guess I got a little into carried away during the first use? And instead of using on problem areas, I used as normal soap. Couldn’t kill, right?

HELL IT ITCHES. Had to use a lot of moisturiser post-bath to¬†stop the itching. Maybe it’s drying for oily skin? So¬†when I used it for my arms, it itched¬†really badly. (T_T”)>

But surprisingly, it really helped to stop the discomfort on acne areas. Little by little, that is. Hopefully things would improve one week in! ūüôā So far I’d say it’s worth the money, but for people with dry/sensitive skin, STAY AWAY from this!

*****

Spent a lot of time at home over the weekend for two reasons:

  1. No one was free to meet up
  2. It was April Fool and I was * scared.

By evening when I realized that not many people knew it was April Fool’s Day, I decided to prank my siblings. Heh.

I actually went to run errands at Nex but… The T-shirt I wanted to change size for, Uniqlo didn’t have that particular collection there. Wanted to activate my new bank card but there was a long queue.

So the trip to Nex was fun but also… not constructive at all. (dies laughing)

Anyway, by the time I was done roaming around, mum had knocked off from work and was meeting me for dinner. That’s when I decided to scare my brothers. (smirks)

I called my eldest brother while waiting for the train, telling him my parents and I are on the way to his area, cos we are meeting for dinner.

He went, “…huh?”

And then I kinda ridiculed him? And said like,¬†you kidding ah? Or you forgot?? Don’t joke lei, dad also came, you forgot??

There was a moment of silence before he responded, “Okok I set off now.”

I was holding in my laughter on the train and quickly told him,”BRO BRO. WAIT. HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!”

I was so afraid he’d start calling Grab!! Then he just said¬†BYE. How nice. (chuckles)

My elder brother was next but… I¬†decided to call my sister-in-law, because talking to him on the phone is ZERO fun, with his short answers and constant desperation to end conversations and hang the phone. (-_-)

My sis-in-law was adorable too, and I could tell they had guests at home? But still, she just happily said, “Huh? I think your brother forgot!”

Simply because such incidents happen before! Then I quickly told her I was pranking her.¬†I quickly ended the call so that she could entertain the guests,¬†but instead, I texted her “kekekekeke”. Got called naughty! XD

So yes, this April Fool’s Day, I was the culprit! Pass me my trophy! *basks in glory*

*****

Well, dinner with mum was much less enjoyable thanks to Manhattan Fish Market.

Their standards have been plummeting lately Рlong wait to be seated even when restaurant is empty, subpar utensils cleanliness and worst of all, the food quality.

Some weeks ago I had to¬†write in to let them know¬†one of their new dishes was simply a pool of grease and tonight, their “signature” cajun chicken wings are BURNT.

There was literally no other taste than just burnt. But this time around, mum said not to let the management team know (since it seems that they don’t give a damn anymore) and I guess MFMsg is officially written off my list of favourites. Now I just hope they’d close down soon to spare the space for some other worthy¬†company.

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Luckily, I did get some Chateraise goodies before leaving Nex, so dinner was salvaged! Their creme brulee was¬†okay, better than the creme brulee swiss roll at least. ūüôā

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Have I mentioned how much I love Chateraise? Previously I saw another blogger saying that their cream isn’t filled fully so I decided to try it out myself. Mine was super full! #satisfied

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That kinda concludes my first day of April! Lots of food, but I did workout at night so I guess it’s cool!

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#25032017 – Thankful for my Family

So often we take our family for granted – that they would always be by our side, that they would be supportive. Until we step into school, into society, into the various workplaces, then we realize how pure the love from family can be.

Or at least, that’s how I felt.

I’m unlike many other people – I don’t consider going to uni (unless I can afford the school fee by myself 100%), I don’t like to dress up and I don’t ever consider marriage.

In this modern day and age, I¬†kinda¬†took my parents’ support and respect of my decisions for granted. Well, that is, until¬†my brothers’ weddings.

Yeah, when more relatives get into the picture, or think that they have the right to tell us what to do, especially me.

I’ve always believed in mutual respect, not to force anything down anyone’s throats. That’s why I once said, I support LGBT, but I don’t think it’s right to expect everyone to accept LGBT. Live, and let live.

So I was okay, and I already expected, with relatives coming up to me, telling me it’s my turn next. In casual conversations, sure, I’d let them say what they want because it’s just talk, isn’t it? ūüôā It’s not like they would be coming after me after that one meeting.

But then there are people who will hear the truth from me, for two reasons –

  1. The good – Because I regard you as family and I don’t wanna bullshit you; and
  2. The bad – You’re crossing the line and I’m drawing the boundary. Back off.

On one occasion, I had to tell two elders that truth –¬†I have no intention of finding a boyfriend, settling down and forming my own family. EVER.

They had spent an hour or two talking to me about it (not discussing, but talking TO me) and it was turning into preaching. And I have respect for them, so I wanted to tell them my true feelings, also to put a stop to it. To break the tension.

Then the disappointing thing happened – They just shut me out totally.

For the sake of things going harmoniously for my brothers’ weddings (trust me, I bear with a lot of shit), I didn’t say a word. And it has been what? Four years?

This lunar new year, we went to one of¬†that relative’s house to exchange greetings.

Mind you, I’ve always respected her and loved her despite what she said and how she shut me out for the past few years. Like ignoring me or giving me the cold shoulder. I mean, she’s an elder after all.

For the past few years when my brothers were busy, I still went to her house with my parents during lunar new year. Still, cold shoulder.

I wondered if it was because she didn’t know how to communicate with my generation. So it’s cool, I didn’t take it personally. Until this year, when my brother and sis-in-law went with me.

I mean, how childish does one elder have to be, to hear hello and goodbye from 3 youths, and only say goodbye to two?

Maybe I was soft, maybe I was too sensitive, I thought.

Until tonight. We were enjoying food in the neighbourhood when we saw her. I was still delighted to see her because I saw her as part of the family. A close relative.

But here’s the most disappointing thing – my parents and the 5 of us youths greeted her. She said hi to my parents, then went PAST me, to pat the backs of my two brothers and two sisters-in-law. And talked to them. Like I didn’t exist AT ALL.

If it was the past, I would have simply walked off because of how insulting it was. But nope, I just took out my phone to resolve the awkwardness.

“Oh, so both of you married ah?”

Dude. Three kids, man. How rude do you have to be? -_-

I’ve kept my silence and¬†the unfairness I’ve endured from her for FOUR years. So as soon as she left, I told my family, just think about what¬†just happened. Great, I don’t ever have a reason to visit her during CNY again, do I?

The saddest part was when nobody is on my side, or bothered to empathize with how I feel.

Do you guys even know the shit I had to hear and bear for the past few years?

Maybe I’ve taken your support in the past few years for granted, but 6 people and no one spared a thought for¬†how I was ignored?

Just goes to show why I have no faith in human relations sometimes. People can be so cold.

Am I angry? Not anymore. Upset? Not anymore. Disappointed? Yeah, kind of.

For one, you have no control over my decision, even if I tell you I’m gay (but I’m not la, just saying). You cannot¬†talk me into marriage, as much as you cannot get me to wear a skirt.

Aside from all these,¬†I was hoping you know what an adult should do and should be like, be respectable, at the very least. Time and time again though…

At least I am accountable for my actions. I have shown you respect and grace as much as I think you deserved. Five years, including this year, and you still step all over me.

It’s okay, I’m moving on! There are so many things in life worth my time, respect and love. Hold on tight to your traditional thinking and ignore me all you want from this point on. Tonight hurt me deep, but that’s as bad as it can be. You can’t hurt me anymore. :))

Writing this entry to remind myself never to take love and support from anyone for granted – take it with a lot of gratitude and appreciation. And when things don’t go my way,¬†let it go.¬†I’m going to be what I wished my elders would have been – it’s the only way to make things better for the future generations, not to¬†let the hatred and hurt continue.

*****

Dear future me,

Please be the kind of aunt you wish you had.¬†Puberty was tough, so don’t ever ridicule the youths. Help them out, be kind, be supportive, albeit from a distance unless they approach you first. Respect their ideals and most importantly, don’t compare, criticize or judge them prematurely, especially in conversations to their parents. Learn to draw the line – don’t make them anymore insecure, awkward or uncomfortable, by prying into their¬†private matters or schoolwork.

They are going to drive you mad at some point, maybe even saying things that piss you off. You’d be an old lady by then, so learn to laugh it off, be a bigger person and continue to love them for who they are. Be the bridge between them and their parents, not the barrier in-between. Teach them kindness and gratitude, not what to do, how many prizes to win or how many number ones to get.

The Huiying today, would be very grateful and proud if you can make these promises count. If things ever get too tough,¬†walk away.¬†Come back when you’ve cooled down and restart to conversation with love, yeah?

You’d always be your own strongest supporter,¬†unconditionally. ūüôā And that’s all you really ever need.

#22032017 – A Peculiar Day

Today has been a peculiar and eventful day. (Yes, I’m trying to get back to the pace of Daily Diary!)

Mum has started working again for a one-month contract and dad is starting to change his perspective on things and people. Me? I’m making my little changes too, and little bold plans.

Woke, washed up and immediately got to work, forgetting breakfast. After a while I remembered, and went to wash some rice and get things cooking.

Then… back to work, and I forgot all about my rice.

Elder brother called to ask mum out for lunch, forgetting that she’s at work again. So he called home to ask why my mum would hang up his call. #FAIL Realizing that mum isn’t at home, he asked me if I wanted to meet for lunch instead then (awkwardly).

Planned my day out from there – meet brother for lunch, make a delivery stop at Hougang Central, and then get back home to help my neighbour shop for a pair of shoes. Apparently size 39/40 isn’t the only size that’s hard to find, 35 is difficult to get in Singapore too. #WhySoLimited

Got back home to do my work before meeting mum after she knocks off from work…

And then the strangest thing happened?

Somewhere along the way on the bus, someone stood oddly close to me and somehow I felt that she was up to no good? But I was thinking about other things and didn’t respond immediately.

Later on, when I alighted, I knew my bank card is missing from my pocket, where she was standing close to me.

Rummaged through my bag, dug things out of my pocket, and yep, it’s gone.

STRANGELY, it’s not the first time this happened to me. I have a premonition, and¬†I ¬†KNOW when it’s happening, but somehow at that point, I can’t react immediately until afterwards. It happened once before at Punggol Plaza when I KNEW the uncle behind me was stealing my wallet.

Thankfully, it’s just my bank card. I calmly called POSB to terminate the card immediately and… that was it.

Back when my wallet was stolen as I have mentioned, I went mad. I lost control of my emotions and cried uncontrollably. But today… I can’t help but feel like I’ve grown up a bit.

Just calmly search for it, don’t have, call to terminate. That’s it. No drama. No emotions. Even until now.

But I will miss the card, which has been through so much with me.

Maybe I’m too logical too? I have been nusing the card for so many online purchases so I think it’s good to get a new onee too (apparently it is going to take 3 days). I’m just hoping they keep the PayPass function? Cos I love doing self checkout at NTUC, haha.

So… That was the peculiar part of the day that I wanted to record about.

On a comforting note, when I told my dad my card was stolen, his response was, “Who ask you so….. have you made a police report?”

I really appreciate that he is changing. ūüôā In the past he would be saying how silly/careless I am to let that happen but today I actually felt like he care. So… A card in exchange for better relationship with my dad? Priceless.

LAST THING! Can I just commend how assuring POSB customer service personnel sounded? She was like, “Hi how can I help you.. Can I have your full name… xxx… Okay your card has been permanently terminated and we will mail a new one to you within 3 days. ”

Possibly one of the most constructive and assuring customer service in Singapore. And efficient, of course. Just wanted to point that out! Her firm attitude made me feel a lot less worried too. ūüôā

So… Today wasn’t such a good day. But I still feel that I reaped a lot from the bad luck…? Hopefully everyone reading is having a good time unlike me!

Goodnight! :))))

A Little Annoyed

I don’t understand the old people’s obsession with a regular 9-5 desk job.

Met someone today, who was obsessed about discussing this with me, and I got annoyed.

“Why¬†do you work from ¬†home?”

‘I am working on project basis now.’

“Why don’t you find a regular job?”

‘Been there, done that, just that it’s how I happen to be working now.’

“So why don’t you want a regular job?”

‘Why do so when I can work from home now?’

“Well, you can meet more people.”

‘I am working FROM home, but I still meet people when I go out for shoots, etc.’

“But you can work with people, do regular work.”

‘It isn’t easy working from home, I still work long hours too.’

“Yeah, so you should do regular work, got people help you.”

‘Worked in an office job before but the burden is the same. If you’re responsible, you’d take responsibility, alone or in team.’

“Then why don’t you change industry?”

‘Because this is what I love doing? I injured my spine while working so-called regular job, because I still have to carry the equipment.’

“You mean you still have to carry the equipment when you’re working in team?”

‘Yeah.’

“Change industry la!”

*****

At the end of the day, my point is, what business is it of yours? 

I can say how I think because I’ve tried BOTH. I can say, my work now makes me happier because I¬†have to take FULL responsibility for my work. I feel even more empowered and I feel HAPPY doing my work.¬†

So who are you to tell ME what is better for me?¬†Especially when you’ve only tried one¬†of the two ways? Who are you to tell me that THIS is not good for me?

Sometimes. It’s such pointless communications that make me glad I have the option of working alone sometimes. -_-

#21032017 – Unfavorable Decisions

When I was a kid, as do many kids know, we always look forward to being adults. To having the freedom to do what we want, to be free from the education system, to have the money to buy all the candies and chips we want. 

Then only when I really get the privileges of being an adult, I start to feel the weight of the responsibilities. 

Yes you have all the money but chips dont taste that great anymore. And your metabolism rate is slowing down, so you need to watch what you eat. 

Another thing I always thought about was how cool adults are, at least on TV, bring able to punish others (students/kids) or sacking someone as a boss. The feeling of power. 

Until I really had to do it. Then I realize how much it sucks. 

Then I realized teachers dont get a thrill out of punishing students. It is more of exasperation, helplessness and a final warning hoping you would heed. 

And bosses dont feel great sacking people. Unless, maybe, if you have small hands. Then you probably live in a fictional world, not the reality. I digressed. 

I mean, a boss hired an employee for a good reason to begin with – that help is needed, that the boss felt good about the employee. 

I never understood what was so difficult about sacking people until lately. Because you know the teamwork began because the boss felt good about the employee. If only things continued to work out. 

I always find it hard to say goodbye, and now it is harder – thats it, because things arent working out anymore. 

That was frickin tough and it was a late lesson on empathy. But adults dont brood like kids do –  we know sometimes we need not understand how and why everything happened, but just to accept and move on. 

Taking a deep breath and moving on, with a tinge of sadness tonight. 

#21032017 – A Funny Story

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Yesterday was one of the busiest days of this month for me,¬†and I finally caught up with my sleep debt last night! ūüôā That makes me SO happy.

Spent the day setting up my site, configuring the encodings, placements and content. Hopefully I’d be back to writing soon!

Just wanted to share a funny incident that happened over the weekend.

My mum and I talk about the strangest things sometimes. Over the weekend, we were on a bus journey home,. talking about how we would want to “age gracefully”, be happy and grateful, and die with dignity.

Some point during our conversation, an old man boarded the bus and his cheeriness caught my attention.

“Hey mum, I’d want to be like him when I’m old, still dressing hip (Converse sneakers instead of the typical senior citizen sports shoes/grandpa shoes) and looking so cheerful.”

Mum agreed and we continued our conversation…

…until suddenly, that man I was talking about, starting to fidget. He was sitting in the front seat when I suddenly notice that he’s adjusting his socks for some reason.

Then he went ahead to take off his shoes to do more adjusting.

THEN A PUNGENT SMELL HIT US.

LIKE, OMFG!!!!

I got the whiff first (FML) and then it was my mum, who said, “Eh what’s that stench?!”

We were¬†still¬†trying to be polite at this point (his back was facing us), until another two Malay ladies sitting beside us starting talking and I caught them saying “Busoh”, which means smelly amid their conversation.

Apparently I was the only one who noticed that the old man took off his sneakers, so when more people started to notice the smell, I kind of burst out laughing. In silent mode, thankfully.

From the old man to us to the Malay ladies, we were in the middle-back section of the bus, so I quickly walked to the bus exit to press the bell, in hope that the smell only travelled backwards and I can get some fresh air.

The funniest thing was, at where I was standing, I was right in front of the old man. And then I looked at another 2 aunties and a young guy seated in the front section of the bus, and THEY WERE PINCHING THEIR NOSES.

One of the aunties was even holding out her bottle of medical oil that they use. Kinda like killing one smell with another?

It was such a funny sight and I just couldn’t hold it in any longer!!

Thankfully, we reached our stop, and so I quickly alighted to start laughing!

Gosh.¬†Don’t think I would have been able to stand another bus stop distance “immersed” in that stench.

Of course, as we walk home from the bus stop, I turned and told my mum,

“Yeah, I take my words back. I wanna age gracefully, but not smelling like that.”

Seriously. I wonder if he knew how bad his feet stink? >_< Hahaha still a funny story nonetheless! Goes to show how you should never judge a book by its cover… Or a man, when his shoes are still on. (chuckles)

 

Goodnight!

16032017 – A Quick March Update

February was a blur and so was the start of March, as my friends and I got together to finish shooting a microfilm. Then it was days of intensive editing, subbing and preparation for submission.

Best of both worlds

Throughout the past few weeks, I’ve learnt many things. Like understanding what my teacher meant when she told me to choose between two CCAs because I can’t have the best of both worlds.

She’s right to a certain extent – there’s only so much time and energy we have, and it is better to be great at one thing than to accept many projects and barely scraping by, producing sub-par work that’s a waste of everyone’s time.

Then again, the way I see it, we have 24 hours a day. If you have time for meal and bed, then you have time to spare. And that is the reality Рlearning to prioritize and juggle, to make a decision that you think is better.

I’ve had some free time here and there, but yes, I felt that there were other things more important than updating this site. This site means a lot to me, to document each day as a reminder to make full use of them. But if I waste my day documenting them, it kind of defeats the purpose, isn’t it?

But as I’ve said, there’s always mealtimes. Hence the GOT7 review. :))

Learning to pick my battles

Another thing I’m learning about growing up, is to choose battles.

I am a rather opinionated person and as I’ve said previously, I am fully aware that my character can be a bit too abrasive towards others sometimes. But recently I’m learning to pick my battles since not all of them are worth the time.

There were some decisions that I wouldn’t have given in, if it was a year back. But now I feel like… Unless it’s something really important to me, that would go against my principle, I guess I can give in, even if logically, I know that that’s not as great. At the end of the day, I look back at that moment and thought,

Yeah well, you gave in and made someone else feel like you cherish their opinion, and it wasn’t catastrophic, was it?¬†

And I feel an overwhelming sense of pride. ^_^

Learning to step away

was another one of the important lessons I learnt in the past couple of days.

There were some clients that were getting on my nerves, disregarding my effort or making selfish decisions that ultimately, left me to die in the problem.

Of course I was pissed, upset and demoralized. But then I realized, unlike friendships in school, you don’t always have to take the confrontational step. And I don’t mean resorting to passive aggression either (another one of my bad habits).

The other¬†way I learnt to deal with such situation, is to simply walk away. In the adult sense, it’s probably the worst, meaning –¬†I don’t even see a point of arguing with you.¬†Now, I have better things to do and I’m moving on.

Yes,¬†some problems can be solved through communication. But there are some where you feel like… That’s how it is and nothing is going to change it. Talking about it is simply scratching off the peaceful surface on the relationship, and things are never going to be the same again anyway.

When I feel that someone is making a decision solely for their own good without regards for my schedule and feelings, I’m not going to go along with complaints anymore.¬†I’m stepping away and not going in your direction at all.¬†

When I feel that you’re sabotaging me intentionally, I’m not going to go after you for confrontation, to “expose” you or to demand/implore for your help anymore. I’m going to cool down, deal with it like an adult, and look for someone better than you. I’m grateful for your help in the past but it’s not working out anymore – let’s move on. And that’s it.

That kind of guts

One of my junior is graduating from Poly this year and he reminds me so much of myself, 5 years ago, when I was going through the same phase. I took friendships seriously, made time for everyone and made sure they know that I’m grateful. Yeah, and all those¬†friends forever talk.

Sure, I still keep in touch with some of them, but I started to see how it wasn’t worth investing so much time in networking and maintaining relationships back then.

I had been so full of passion and guts – feeling like nothing in this world can bring me down, especially since I got a job at a place I really love.

As I grow older, I start to feel like I’m being increasingly introverted. I prefer to observe people quietly, than to be the loud one bringing people together. I’d prefer to create things alone, than to socialize and¬†spend the time walking home posting social media updates to thank the people I met that night.

Networking is important, but my main circle is starting to form and it’s going down from my list of priorities now.

I feel very different this year

I’ve¬†finally mustered up the courage to end the relationships that deep down, I know aren’t working and aren’t good for either of us, at both work and personal levels. I feel more focused and have a clearer idea of what I want to pursue next.

Surprisingly, some time last week, for the first time in years, the thought of finding a life partner came to my mind. But only for a few hours, haha. Still can’t accept the idea of compromising for life. ~_~”

But there’s still this one last relationship I’m waiting around for. I hope things would work out, and I’d be able to contribute what I’ve learnt in the past 5 years, but… three months was a lot of time, wasn’t it?

Last night I saw a new opportunity that interests me on so many levels. Between a new environment, and going back to an old place with fresh perspective… How would you make a decision?¬†

More thinking and more growing up to do, apparently.